How Fat am I

There is a break between what kind of fat I am and what my agent thinks what kind of fat I am. She thinks I am "fat". which is sort of true. I am fat- but not "funny fat"- if you catch my drift. "Funny fat" is the kind of fat that is visually funny- the kind that is an inherent joke just from being looked at. Like Chris Farley. Funny fat. I am not inherently funny to look at and although I can get a lot of mileage out of eating jokes, I still can't get cast as the visual punchline to a skinny counter-part. I'm not Laurel to someone else's Hardy. Or whatever, I don't honestly know which was which. You get my point. My agent thinks I'm too fat to audition for anything food related because no one casts a fat girl in a food ad. because that would imply that the food will make you fat, which it probably will but that means no McDonald's commercials for me. She thinks I'm "pretty fat" which means I have a great face and a fat body. Which is kinda like being "butter body" Everything about me is great but my body. (It's the opposite of a butter face: "everything about her is great but her face") She, having never seen me naked, and assuming I look at good under my clothes send me out for plus-size modeling a lot. Plus-sized models are beautiful women who happen to be a size 12 or larger and most of them are wonderously healthy. I mean, they look great. I do not. Not naked at any rate. I do a lot to look good with clothes on and honestly wonder about Arthur that he can stand to touch me. I have great boobs, nice wrists and decent ankles but everything else from the chin down hasn't been thought sexy since the dark ages.Back then I'm pretty sureI woudl have been burned at the stake for creating lascivious thoughts among the male-folk but I digress.... I am the type of fat that should be cast as the funny friend, the snarky, witty, drunker friend with a wealth of opinion and comment at her disposal. I am the Kathy Njimy, Rosie O'Donnell type. Have any idea how often my "type" of fat comes up? Not very that's how. Mostly my agent sends me on fat/fit and modeling stuff (because she thinks I'm awfully pretty) great, my bone structure is getting me in the door, but then they take one look at me and I'm either not fat enough or not fit enough. urgh. I could gain weight but I'd rather not die of diabetes or heart attack or obesity before I'm 40. I could lose weight. Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha. That's me laughing. Because if I could just lose weight I would! Dammit.