Bangkok

I'm here! More to follow I'm sure. Going out to see the sights today. Went to see some fringe theater last night which was actually some musical/ film/ performance art piece thing. Complete crap but the best part was how much w hated it! And how much S kept trying to change her mind! It's so funy when people feel threatened if you don't completely agree with everything they believe. Morons. Keeps telling me she can't believe this is who I grew up to be (s not w, w thinks I'm wonderful), I nearly shot beer out my nose. She knew me when I was 14, I mean REALLY! 16 years ago is technically two people ago (running on the basis that we completely shed our skins once every 7 years), and what did she know about who I was then? It's not like we hung out or swapped stories or anything. I played Barbies with her kid.

It's About Time

My little sister Maka had her baby- this so should have been a blog when she actually did it- but the point is the newest member of the clan is Asa: idn't she cute?!?!?

Angry Hateful Me

This is me in the longboat getting splashed with loads of water because the European morons sitting in front of me rather than pull up the rain guard next to them (the blue plastic) huddled to the opposite side. I thought it was kinda funny. I mean the pic. not the sitch. Cause this is angry hateful me

The Plague

I have the plague. w and I arrived in Pattaya last night, in a little hostel right next to an area of town that's all in Russian. I left Germany/ Sweden and now I'm in Russia. Pattaya is what you expect Thailand to look like: poshity posh posh resort hotels surrounded by the poverty of the people who actually live here. It's disheartening and not a little disgusting. But enough about them, let's talk about ME! I have the plague. W had it first and now I have it and she took antibiotics and it didn't even phase it. I'm sick. Sick sick sick. Supposed to be teaching street children English. EXCEPT- we forgot we were in Thailand and nothing here ever happens as it says it will. For instance: we go to the place at 9, we get mis directed and arrive at 9:30, the guy we are supposed to meet will be there around 10. We wait. We call. He is not going to be there until 2:30 but the kids are ready for you- go at em! he tells us. Um, I personally would like a little instruction before I try teaching a language. Oh. He thought we were bringing toys and games for the kids to play with us. Ah. that would be different. We went back to our hostel. Slept. Haven't eaten. Haven't seen anything. No desire to leave my bed or air conditioning. ugh. should call but would rather sleep. I miss my Mommy very much.

Stairs Stairs stairs

I sometimes feel like all I do on this trip is climb stairs. Hotel in Phuket on third floor without elevator. I packed very light but w has two oversized bags filled with oodles of camera gear. ugh second floor in Pattaya. More stairs!! Where's the lift?!?!

Reclining Buddha

This is a ginormous reclining Buddha in a cave. It's where I tried to feed the monkeys. Amazing huh?

Monkeys

See the banana the monkey is holding? I paid 10baht to buy a banana bunch to feed the monkeys. Turns out if you are holding bananas then the monkeys rush you and tug on your clothes and since our tour guide told us they have rabies (which I don’t believe for a second I think it’s just a ploy so people don’t treat them like house cats and try to pick them up and cuddle them) I was afraid I’d get bitten. So I may have panicked a little. There may have been some screaming. I’m not proud of it but nor do I have a festering monkey bite turning me into the walking dead. “Dead Alive” anyone? Come on people, Peter Jackson’s first movie?!?

I hate European scum

We had an absolutely heavenly time (albeit frustrating with the play and people, etc) in Chiang Mai, in northern Thailand, and silly really, I just assumed that the rest of my experiences here would be as delightful, as magical. We came to Phuket to lay on the beach. That is all we wanted. Sun, sand, surf… (turns out no surf. Even less than LA which is saying something! Not even a blip of surf, not a wavelet or hiccup. Just calm, smooth water without even a current. Who knew?) maybe a massage or two. You may recall the name Phuket because of a little tsunami that hit here a couple of years ago. No worries though; from what I can see they are rebuilding very fast, there are no obvious places where damage can still be seen, the economy appears to be thriving and new and improved resorts and spas are popping up daily). But what we were not expecting was the European equivalent of Cabo. Everywhere we look it’s Germans, Swiss, and Dutch. All the restaurants are Thai and Swedish or Thai and German, seriously, you have to see it to believe it. Good luck finding delicious vegetarian Thai food. Everything is twice as expensive as it was in Chiang Mai, the shop vendors suddenly very pushy: they do this thing here where they touch you to make you stay in their shop. I feel accosted and walk around with a defensive body posture. I side step outstretched hands and constantly tell the Indian clerks not to touch me. It’s creepy and weird and I am itching to hit someone in the face. Not to mention all the chain smoking frigging Europeans! I mean, if I had wanted to go to Europe I would have. If I wanted to eat wienerschnitzel I would not have come to Thailand! They are rude and sun burned and stupid. It’s like the horrible Americans in Cabo! Ugly, obtuse, with no desire for local flavor. They want America in another country, or Europe in Thailand. And the complete lack of body awareness! There are certain rules about bathing suit wearing: namely, if you do not have a sexy body you should not wear a thong. If you are not a competitive swimmer you should not wear a speedo. If your belly hangs so far over your own body it obscures your bikini bottom, you were not meant to wear two-piece bathing suits. If your nipples can lean over and touch your belly button- you should not wear a string bikini top. If you are not better looking naked than clothed you should not go naked on the beach. Shriveled old lady nipples went out in the Dark Ages. The concept of a line is lost on these people. Both when it is being crossed and when there is an actual one with people in it. They seem to think nothing of jumping in ahead of everyone else. We leave tomorrow. Not nearly soon enough.

Koh Panyi

This is a sea gypsy village we stopped at on our way to James Bond Island. With a mosque. Go figure.

James Bond Baby

Yep, been there, done that. Swam in the Andaman Ocean. Suck it! Beautiful, gorgeous, wish you were here!

P.S. I am not doing something gross in this picture, it's the wind picking up the ties of my shorts.

Worst ever

Mani/ pedi. Awful. Bad, Baddest, Worst. They had us soak our hands in the same water we had on our feet. W now has athletes foot. I had to file my nails myself when I got back to our hotel room to fix them. They are too short but at least they aren’t lopsided and crazy pointy. It was so horrific I can’t even write any more about it.

Vacation: Finally!

I am now in Phuket. An island in the Andaman Sea, arrived Monday and lounged on the beach a bit. We intend to get mani/pedi’s, lay on the beach, get massages, lay on the beach, visit other beaches, lay on the beach- you get the idea. Tomorrow W and I head to James Bond Island. No kidding. Phangnga Bay where The Man With The Golden Gun was filmed. Whoohoo!!

Shakespeare

Look, there are some things in this world that should not be done: Lindsay Lohan should not be a blonde, Paris Hilton should not get to meet Nelson Mandela, and no one should misquote Shakespeare in front of me. Every night the director would say: “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely players, play on!” The quote is “and all the men and women merely players". It scans! There is no are!!!! Figure it out.

Belgian Chocolate

Oh yes we did. Find a Belgian Chocolatier in the heart of Norther Thailand? Yep. And at 14-16B per piece we ate ourselves sick! That's an iced hot chocolate I'm drinking. Anyone read about Serendipity's closing in NYC? Health code violations. I just keep telling myself that at least I never ate their food... argh with the sideways-ness! Well, at least I'm friggin cute!

Two pics

The poster and Lanna house we performed on pre cutting and taking away the railing. Sorry the poster is sideways- I thought I saved the right way up one but...

The Best Laid Plans

The show I am doing is called “A Gap in Generations”. I have not been blogging about it because it was brought to my attention that the internet is too easy to navigate and anyone could read this and mostly I’ve been bitching to W and holding my tongue with everyone else I am only going to bitch about this: I hate hacks, I hate assholes, and if I have to tell myself “it’s not my problem” one more time, or smile when I want to scream- someone, is going to get killed! That said; we opened Thursday, closed Sunday and let me just say… Everything that can go wrong will. Where to even start:
We get here and discover that one third of the cast, the Thai actors, are not available to rehearse during the day because they are in class until 5:00pm at Chiang Mai University, and the rehearsal space closes around 4:30pm. We do not have permission to rehearse, nor any space, at our hostel and yet we gather as often as possible to guerilla rehearse in the hallways. The rehearsal/ performance space is a Lanna house. Sort of the equivalent of performing in an authentic Shakespearean home, complete without electricity, water, bathrooms… I’ll try and attach a pic. It is a beautiful house- resplendent and glorious- but- it is also 400 years old and falling apart. The front, the part we will be using to stage “Gap” has been propped up from beneath with extra bamboo for support specifically for us. The slated floors we cover with cheap 4X6 foot panels of particle board but the back stage area is full of holes and many heels are driven through before closing night when they lay down some more particle board. On the upside, everyone is afraid to go too far into the back of the house so I have an entire little room all to myself. In the dark. I bring a flashlight but it gets temperamental about working on the second night. There is no green room, no dressing room, and no backstage light. Well, there’s no electricity!
The venue is outdoors so: when we rehearse in the day we roast in noon sun because the director schedules rehearsal from 11am to 4:30 pm with a brief break to each lunch. And I do mean brief, 30 mins. Which means bring snack food because Thai service cannot be accomplished in 30 minutes. The director eventually lengthens rehearsals to 6:00pm but by then it is so dark we attempt to return over lawns, a small bridge, and through backyards in the dark hoping not to get caught and lose our performance space. When darkness starts to approach the mosquitoes come out and eat us alive. When we aren’t sun burning (I work under my parasol) we are drowning- oh yes, it rains. This is supposed to be the dry season but thanks to global warming we wait under the eaves anywhere from 20 minutes to 3 hours every day for the rain to stop. When we stand too long in the grass the red ants eat us alive. Between the humidity and the heat half our brains have dribbled out our ears and even the girl playing Arlechino for the 3rd time in as many years has trouble remembering lines. We sweat and drip and sunscreen runs into our eyes. During one rehearsal a gang of dogs races through the set snarling and barking and trying to bite one another. Airplanes routinely fly overhead making it impossible to hear one another. For one week there is a local air show so every few minutes two or more planes in formation fly overhead while we freeze in place, waiting. Remember the bathroom issue? Same here. One day there is an EMS rally on the grounds. The station in front of our stage is where they do the relay race. Teams of EMS race across the lawn carrying eggs and rice kernels and pebbles back and forth in chopsticks trying not to drop them while their band (oh yes, they have their own band) eggs them on by playing loudly and fast the cymbals, drums and something that screeches. Cows in the field behind us are often “lowing” (that’s a Christmas quote dammit!), okay mooing, and I swear to God one night I heard pigeons cooing. When we arrive the front of the stage is covered by plants that are tall tall tall. We are invisible behind this wall of greenery. We eventually get it trimmed. There is also a railing, huge pillars of wood and plank boards completely obscuring us from view- when it is removed there is nothing to stop us toppling over the edge onto the newly hewn branches of the bushes now eerily pointy and threatening. The red ants that were living there are now homeless and seeking our tasty feet and calves. There are neighboring dogs who bark constantly and cats that fight, have loud cat sex, and piss on the set when we go home at night. We have no budget and can’t find the set pieces we need by either begging borrowing or stealing. Every new thing costs more money and the director is nearly insane with worry- her pockets are only so big. Props are a problem- things we assumed would be easy to find or borrow are proving to be harder than imagined. We can afford a total of 12 lighting instruments and the electricity comes from miles of extension cords. Our light board operator gets electrocuted tech night and jiggles a while on the current until it blows. On opening night we lose the lights, complete blackout minutes before the end of the play and finish in flashlight light. One night there are two concerts going on near enough to us that we have to speak louder to be heard over them, this is in addition to the constant hum and roar of a major highway next to us. Radio stations employ trucks to drive around playing their station loudly through several large speakers strapped to the back of the truck and the driver yelling into a microphone- this is particularly hard to be heard over. As soon as we add lighting this attracts bugs, the upside of which is they are too busy trying to get into the lights to eat us, the downside of which is light that wavers as clouds of insects move in front of it and the dive bombing we receive from the eager bats. Thai audiences are not particularly quiet, and not in the laughter kind of sense, they talk throughout and seem to be making comments. They also wander off. At intermission we lose about half. Sometimes they come back to see how it ends. This is not necessarily a comment on our acting but rather a custom. Fireworks are set off behind us. The last dregs of Loy Kratong. The performance runs 3 hours with intermission. It’s too long by American standards. Every night I dream we skip fourteen pages by “accident”. The oldest cast member is 83- it’s very difficult for him to get up and down the stairs leading to the stage not to mention make his entrances and exits, not to mention pick-up his cues. The 77 year old is completely deaf. We have musicians, technically four but only two of them perform in the show- that often fall asleep or eat fruit during performances missing cues and playing the wrong songs. We get ready in our rooms with crappy overhead fluorescent lighting and walk the several blocks to perform in costume and make-up carrying our second costume and extra props. Most of the cast has refused to learn to do proper comedia make-up and they look like idiots. I look like a freak show with professional standards.

Out of Service

Sorry to everyone, I opened the show this week (and closed)- blog to follow shortly but it took a lot of time and energy and now W and I are in Phuket relaxing and there is very limited internet service (in fact, no wifi! go figure) I will post as I am able!!

Khom Loy

This is what it looks like when we do it! Isn't Windy adorable?

We Sent the Stars into Heaven

Saturday night Windy and I traveled out of Chiang Mai to join our new friend Peter and his wife Apple to be part of a 10,000 khom loy send off for peace. I wish I could explain this but.. it was so profound, so amazing, first we chanted with monks, 50,000 people and a few hundred monks, then we meditated, (you may recall I hate to meditate, that I have never been able to do it for long or without driving myself nuts), but I was able to mediate. Even with firecrackers going off around me, the whole event was very peaceful. Noisy but peaceful. In my meditation I focused on two things: my khom loy hopes and dreams for the little girl I met at Vien Ping, and my fears in my kratong. I realized, I have to the love of a good man and I like myself; so I can stop carrying all this extra weight. It's not mine anymore. The picture is what the sky looked like when about 20,000 khom loy hit the sky, all bearing a prayer for peace, all sent with our hopes and dreams. It was a moving experience and one I think I could get used to doing every year. Perhaps next year meditating all day like Apple and Peter, with fasting also.

Doi Suthep Pic

This is the view of Doi Suthep from the hostel- see the itty bitty building on the mountain? Curse you Doi Suthep!!

Tea Huffing

Discovered a new drug. Tea. Can get you high if you drink for long. Poppy is cheaper but there is the cost of thai prison. Went to teahouse out of town, took forever, but we found! It was built just like in yore, bamboo mats and woven door. Two men greeted, ere we entered, Niko and Peter- now friends forever. Niko is an Austrian exile, Peter is an Aloha fellow. There are two cups and much fuss, one you drink, one you must, smell, inhale, the fragrant musk, it is the nose, the bouquet of the stuff. The drink is better when smelled first, each nostril filled to slake a thirst. Cup after cup till you overflow, but the details are in it, and now I know: tea is a ceremony a sacred act, taking the time to think and relax!

Thailand Food

More delights and dismay await my taste buds every day.
Ice cream vendor on the street, sticky rice and vanilla sweet
Topped with funny little fruit, no word in English, no way to verboot
Sort of like a gummy candy, sort of like a sweet yam root.
Eating larva- not so neat. Tastes like dirt and deep fried feet.
Dragon fruit, without wings, must I rhyme my food with things?
Like a kiwi only drier, lots of seeds and white flesh prior
Some vendors dye it purple and pink.
Another fruit: smells like a lime is added to my pedicure water
The flesh is green and citrus-ey but the rind is rough and bumpl-ey.
Racks of chicken on the street, with their heads but without feet.
Fish is served all on the plate, fin and tail and eyes for weight.
Vegetarian is not the same: most food has prawns with skin and mane.
Even sauces filled with veg have base of meet and chicken instead.

My Kratong

Kop (pronounced Gope rhymes with rope) one of the Thai actors in the play generously offered to show the cast how to make Kratongs and we all gathered. It’s a simple process but the Kratongs range from “macaroni art” to works of art in complexity. I’d like to think mine is better than macaroni art, and for a first attempt I am pleased, but it’s not a masterpiece. The flowers I used at first wilted and died so I found these pa hou hou's (my favrite Hawaiian flower) and this is what I sent down the river- my fears floating away from me.

Loi Kratong/ Yi Peng Festival

This weekend was a festival in Chiang Mai. It is called alternately Loi Kratong or Yi Peng, it is a Buddhist celebration where the people make Kratongs: banana stalks covered in rolled and shaped banana leaves and flowers with a candle and incense, you set them in the river, hundreds of thousands, each one representing your fears and you let them go, you send them away, the river is akin to the sky in Northern Thai culture- a highway if you will to Buddha. They also set off khom loy, fire fueled hot air lanterns that fill the night sky- holding your wishes and hopes and carrying them to Buddha.The pictures are me making one and what they should look like! I know it's sideways but I had so much trouble getting these uploaded!!

I Love the Night Life

I love to Boogie... (name that band!) Windy and I are not exactly the clubbing type. We spend so much time seeing everything we can that by the time night rolls around we're exhausted. We have gone out a couple of times though. We found Fine Thanks a karaoke bar (we did not sing) with a pot leaf sign. I think the name is hilarious. Our next bar was recommended to us by a group of cute Englishmen: it's a rooftop in the old city (kinda like the downtown area, or the village if you will) where you climb 5 flights of stairs, take off your shoes and duck under the lows ceiling to lounge on pillows and bamboo mats. It's called THC, also has a potleaf on the sign, and is above a hemp store/ vegetarian restaurant. It's fun, lowkey, good dj, no one bothers us, view of the city, and it's full of trustafarians and yippes. I am by far the oldest person there, Windy is even a little older than the median age, but we like it. We're probably having the cast party at a place called the Drunken Flower, not far from our hostel. We'll see. Cheers in Thai is "Chai yoh" but we think its really funny to say "So you". Well, we're laughing anyway.

Fire Ass

Most thai food is spicy. Mostly is burns a track out of your ass. I order everything "my pet" which means no spicy. However, it will still be spicy- just not quite so spicy! Jeremiah ordered red curry two nights ago, "why would anyone want to put this in their body?" he gasped between gulps of cold water.

Friends of the Asian Elephant

The second organization benefiting from our performances is FAE: Friends of the Asian Elephant which opened the first ever Elephant hospital 15 years ago. We spent a day visiting them and getting to meet their founder: Soraida Salwala- an absolutely amazing woman! Soraida's patients are injured and sick elephants- the hospital holds the Guiness world record for most veterinarians doing an operation in which 30 vets worked on one elephant: I think it was one that was injured by a land mine.That's right, a land mine blew her leg off. Mootolah, she's very old and they are working to get her a prostetic replacement made of fiber glass but given the weight of the elephant, will have to be replaced every two years. In the picture the baby elephant behind me is also a land mine victim. Elephants need care for everything we need but what blew me away was that many of them need care for amphetamine addiction! They are fed speed so that they will work longer hours, sometimes days at a time without breaking or eating or sleeping. The addiction destroys their liver, their nervous system, they have withdrawls without it, and panic- imagine a 2 ton animal losing it's mind because it can't get it's "fix". When Soraida started FAE 15 years ago there were 40,000 Asian Elephants left in Thailand, today there are about 2,600. She fights for the Elephants against exportation, disease, unfair work environment… the thing is, for all that elephants seem ginormous and sturdy- they are fragile animals, their skin is particularly sensitive, the pachyderm (thick skin) title a complete misnomer, they are emotional animals also- able to paint and make music and weep. The lives they are often forced to live- logging, trudging through town, working as tourist attractions, all of this is hard on them and is killing them. Soraida went so far as to stand in front of trucks loaded with elephants for exportation to Australia- a common event for me growing up in Oregon where people routinely chain themselves to trees to protest logging, deforestation, and the demise of the wooded owl; but such a thing had never been done in Thailand. Ever. And certainly not by a woman! She angers a lot of people- Thai powers, government policy makers, she is outspoken and opinionated and she won’t stop. Even though threats against her life are a daily occurrence, even though she often finds king cobras have been let loose on her property, even though she is battling a debilitating disease, even though a man came to her and told her he had been hired to kill her, that he was an assassin, but he refused because he won’t kill women or children, but he warned her, there will be other assassins who aren’t as scrupulous! I imagine that meeting Soraida is a bit like what it would have been like to meet Diane Fosse. I can only hope that her story ends happier.

Vien Ping

One of the organizations that we are donating our proceeds to from performances is the Vien Ping Children's Home (orphanage). Most Thai orphans will never be adopted, they will spend their entire childhoods in the system- mostly because there is a stigma against Thai orphans within their own country which is the misconception that they have AIDS. Many are AIDS orphans but do not have the disease- however the stigma follows them. The most they can hope for is to be adopted by a foreigner, leave Thailand and give up their nationality and culture.

We went to visit Vien Ping and perform the opening Prologue of the play for them. About 40 or so children awaited us, all between the ages of 2-4 (I'm guessing based on size here) a few developmentally challenged children were also interspersed, I'm guessing because mentally they are on par with the younger children. We performed, they understood very little, but seemed to enjoy it nonetheless, and then we were allowed to give them sweets that we had brought, I had three bags of what appeared to be cookies, something I picked up at the local street market, I figure anything cookie shaped that is bright green or pink must be full of sugar. This was certainly the part they enjoyed! After my cookies were all gone a little girl approached me and reached up, obviously asking to be picked up. I did and she gave me a great big hug. I am not great with kids,I don't really know what to do with them, but, I am a human jungle gym, so I did what I always do with my niece and nephews, I swept her through the air, being careful not to lose contact (I'd fling my family kids through the air), she screamed with delight: "ah!!" her little face lighting up, she had obviously never experienced this before. So I kept doing it, and a couple of other children lined up for a "ride" but this little girl wouldn't let go so I picked up a second child, one for each arm and swept them through the air. "Ah!!" The loved it. (I was aching and sore the next day- I didn't really think through what swinging two 50lb bodies with my own would do to my muscles! Oh well.) I fell in love with that little girl.I don't know her name. She is so beautiful and lovable, and loving and cuddly. She laughed a lot, and when it came time to leave she wouldn't let go. It broke my heart. It was so hard to leave! I hope to go back and volunteer my time next week- hopefully I can learn her name. Hopefully I can help make her life better in some way. How hard can it be for me to adopt a beautiful little girl? A boy? Six of them?

Happy Tofurkey Day

Or as I like to call it, happy anihilation on an indigenous peoples day :)

I had turkey day already. We're 15 hours ahead of California. So while it is 11:30pm thursday here- it is only 8:30am there. Wow. Good morning! I am full of cheese and stuffing, vegies and mashed potatoes, cherry pie and pecan pie and pumpkin pie... :) We found a place that did a Thanksgiving Day Buffet and we ate our hearts out.

Some thoughts on this Day of Giving Thanks:

May the orphans of this world (one in particular, if you don't mind) be blessed with happy and loving homes...and if they cannot, let them find happiness in the small joys of the orphanage..strangers with candy, like me.

May the sick and ailing of this world be helped to return to health, and if they cannot...give them a good flavor of jell-o at the hospital.

May the frustrated and irritated find relief of their problems, major and minor, and if they cannot...give them a muscle relaxer and a 5th of whiskey.

May your talents and ambitions be realized in full and used to the advantage of this world...and if they cannot...may you forget that you have them.

and lastly...May all the political leaders that have done wrong be allergic to potatoes and gravy, may they burn their mouths on their corn on the cob, and choke to death on their freakin' turkey. Lord knows they've got it coming.

Then The Heavens Opened

And the Gods spoke. It's been raining here every day. Usually around 3 or 4 and usually for an hour or so. This would not merit a blog entry Except: ITS THE DRY SEASON!!!! There is not supposed to be rain. And we rehearse 0utdoors. Our performance space is outdoors. We are at the mercy of the elements. The last two days it has rained so much we have stood under the eaves and done line-throughs while the heavens berated us. Then we walked back to the hostel in the rain. We look like drowned rats by the time we reach our rooms. We open in a week. We do not have an alternative performance space if it rains. We close on the Sunday after and Monday at 8am I am on a plane to a beach. Hope it doesn't rain. Then again, a week after that I am home on the beach.Not too shabby. My aplogies to those of you in cold and dreary winters right now. I do not envy you.

Number 1 or Number 2

Toilets. They are different here. For starters there are three kinds: western, like what we have at home, urinals, like what we have at home, and squatters: we have nothing like this at home. Basically think of it as the porcelain evolution of a hole in the ground. Seriously. I have trouble squatting in the woods, now I have to do it over a hole? This is complicated, I have only used one once and although I did manage to avoid peeing on my shoes or pants I was balanced on one foot on the squatter, another on the floor, one hand holding my pants out of the way, and another bracing me against the wall to stop me from toppling over. Whirling dervishes got nothin on me. Add to this that most western toilets can't have toilet paper in them or they cease to function. So there is a small waste paper basket in each toilet for disposal. Without a lid. Just like at home in your own bathroom but ya know, with used tp in. ew. There is also a bidet (sp?) on nearly all varieties. Not a bidet like something you sit on and get washed but a spray nozzel and a hose like the one on your kitchen sink. The tp here is also extremely thin- more so than cheap tp at home and I am used to using quick dissolving marina paper folks!! thin thin thin. I use the sanitary bags to put mine in and then put that in the waste basket. I just can't get over having to SEE used tp. Our hostel is regular, like at home, thank goodness.

Is anybody there?

Is anyone actually reading these things? There are no comments- except the initial one from my mother. Whats up? Is the love gone? Maybe it's not working....

Thai Massage

I told you I would be getting a Thai massage every day- and well, it’s not been quite that often- two full body massages and one half massage.

Massage One:
Windy and I walked in and asked for a Thai massage. The led us to a room- where there were clothes laid out for us. Interesting. I’ve never been massaged professionally with my clothes on before. And then there was some fun with foreign culture when we tried to figure out the pants: the waist was huge and the ties were unusual. It’s kinda a visual. Turned out we had the pants on backwards. Oops. Then the two masseuses, masseuse, masseurs? came into the room and massaged us in tandem, each of us laying on a mat on the floor within reaching distance of each other. Lots of laying on hands and pushing down on the muscles. Lots of thumbs doing the same (which I hate!) Lots of pressing and pulling and stretching you out- at one point the guy working on me put his foot against my inner thigh, grabbed my ankle, and while pushing my body away with his foot, pulled my foot away with his hand! It was, all in all, wonderful. But strange. And not being able to communicate to my masseuse as to what works and what doesn’t is interesting…

Massage Two:
In a busy mall like food court like place, very noisy, same style but this time with our own clothes and the two masseurs chatting away like hens the whole time. Also, just our necks, backs and shoulders, also cheaper! But much less relaxing.

Massage Three:
This time we asked for oil massage. (I may go in for a warm oil massage this week). This time in separate rooms with no sheets on the massage mat (on the floor again!) and just a towel, much more like massages at home but I was uncertain of what to do… (figured out the second towel was not to lie on but to shower with afterwards to get the oil off- I left it on, it made my skin feel so good and soft!) wrapped the towel around myself- turned out I was supposed to drape it across myself and lay naked on the massage mat- it has a covering just not a clean sheet for every new massage… again with the pushing and pulling and pressure, but much less thumbs, more sweeping strokes. Wonderful! And the best part? $10. $10 for an hour!!!! With tip!

Kantoke

Windy and I got tickets to the Kantoke show: kinda like visiting the Hawaiian cultural center on Oahu: full of tourists- but just about the only way to see traditional dance. Food was wonderful! Vegetarian and yummy. Cold but yummy. They were supposed to send a truck to pick us up at our hostel between 7-7:15pm, by 7:20 we found a red truck to drive us BUT he didn’t speak much English, I don’t speak much Thai… and he didn’t understand where we wanted to go! I sat in the front of the truck with him, the map spread out on my lap as we navigated our way around Chiang Mai.. until we found the Cultural Center. He also helped me on my pronunciation which is very much an aural thing so I’ll tell you when I get home! Dinner and then the dances started- traditional Thai dance with the bent fingers and the long fingernails- I’ve been told that the dancers from a young age drink a glass of vinegar a day to keep their bones supple so they can bend their hands like that. Their bones never fully calcify like ours; they remain very bendable. Wowza. Kinda creepy but also kinda cool. One dance they dressed up like chickens with headdresses and tails and my personal favorite was when a guy came out and danced with a dozen swords. Blades whizzing past his head. Then we walked outside and around the center to an outdoor structure to see traditional hill tribe dances. By far my favorite part of the show. More oompha. More beat, more rhythm, Windy says that indigenous cultures are more interesting because they aren’t courtly. They aren’t worried about having their heads chopped off if the king doesn’t like it. :) And, interesting note: all the hilltribe dances are known by all the people in the tribe whereas the Thai court dances are only known by Thai dancers who study for years and years. There were drum dances with the drummer turning his body in every possible contortion to get a beat out and flinging himself through the air to hit the drum and a dance with a woman dressed like some kind of bird with gossamer like tails/ wings and two acrobats dressed as a lama like character- I wish I could describe this better- it was very funny and absolutely wonderful. They have pipes made of bamboo and gourds and for one dance the musicians basically did break dancing while playing these pipes! Bagpipers eat your heart out. And of course- fire dancing!!! I like the warrior stuff best: go figure.

No Smoking

There is no smoking in California- no smoking in bars, no smoking in restaurants, and yet- there is tons of smoking. There is no smoking- loads of anti-smoking campaigns, loads of warnings and descriptions, and yet there is tons of smoking. Most people I know smoke, or have, or do it socially, or at least occasionally- but HERE? There really is no smoking. And here's why: the cigarette packages have pictures on them depicting what can happen to you: rotted faces with no lips, blackened lungs shriveling up, skin cancer and lung cancer and lip cancer, the packs are horror pictures! I would never want to start smoking if I saw that and upon seeing it here cannot possibly think about smoking a pack with one of those pictures on it! I see maybe 1-2 people a day smoking- on the street or in bars- not tourists, I see loads of Europeans smoking- but Thais- 1 or 2 a day. Perhaps this is what we should be lobbying for at home. I kinda want to buy a pack to show people. Creepy!!

Add Laos to the places I’ve been.

On Sunday we went with a tour group to Northern Thailand, Laos, the Golden Triangle, and two hilltribe villages. Tres touristy but we knew that going in and reminded ourselves that the tourist stuff is the easiest, fastest, and cheapest way to see more. First we stopped at a hot springs where they will boil an egg for you that they drop into the hot spring in a little woven basket: just imagine the smell of sulphur combined with the smell of boiled eggs- ew. I did not partake. Across the street they are building a replica of the Angor Wat of Cambodia- very beautiful- totally amazing- and next to the hot springs a giant tea pot- big enough to boil people… and of course- lots of shopping- but we were on a 20 minute time crunch- not conducive to my shopping style of contrast and compare. On we traversed to the Mekong River where we loaded into small little boats that skimmed along the river, I tried very hard not to get any in my mouth but the spray was all over me, and we crossed the river and landed in Laos! Not really like visiting Laos- because technically I’ve not touched Laotian soil, where we were standing was obviously a tourist destination so it was paved but they offered us scorpion, anteater, cobra, snake, turtle, “witch” (banana), and tiger’s penis whiskey, (tequila is better), and I got Laos stamped on my Visa. And more fast, fast shopping! Thought about getting a bottle of cobra or scorpion whiskey to take home but… I prefer the local rice whiskey Meakong which smells very strong, burning your nose hairs, goes down extra smooth and has a lovely warmth that spreads through your chest and tummy. We buy it and mix it with fruity drinks like blended pineapple. Back in the boats and on up the river till we stopped smack dab in the middle and the guide told us we were currently in the Golden Triangle, and technically in three countries at once: Thailand to the left, Laos to the right, and Mayanmar/ Burma up ahead. Not sure that I have this correct but the government seems to call it Mayanmar and the people seem to call it Burma…. Then back to Thailand for- you guessed it- more shopping! And a photo op with a sign that said “Golden Triangle” and a huge (3 story? 2?) golden Buddha that was erected in honor of the Queen’s 74th birthday and paid for by 4 countries: Laos, Thailand, China and Burma. It was on top of what looked like a giant float or boat shaped dragon structure with life sized elephants at each corner. Then to a restaurant for a lunch buffet (oh yeah, vegetarian here often means with fish or without actual pieces of meat- we ate rice and watermelon- the boiled vegetables were in a beef broth and the pumpkin soup had been made with chicken stock L Because I’m not technically a vegetarian I tried it but everything was bland and overcooked gross! But given that everyone in our group was English or German, and they were wolfing this crap down, I’m pretty sure that the restaurant is catering to the taste buds of its clientele. Up to the Burma border- we didn’t cross but I could have stuck my hand in Burma if I had gotten it past the armed guards. More shopping foisted upon us. Lots of street children begging for change. It’s so hard to see that here. I never give money to the homeless at home, okay, almost never, I gave a dollar to a woman the other day. Mostly I donate to shelters. But here, where the dollar is worth 30-34 baht, where I am eating every day for about $6, (or less!) it’s impossible for me not to drop a few baht into the hats of mothers with babies or children with sorrowful eyes and open palms. I have so much by comparison- so what if I can’t get a thai iced tea (cha yen!) every day? Then we headed to two hilltribe villages. Again, this was very touristy- and difficult to explain without some history but I’m going to try to be brief: hilltribe people are not considered to be Thai citizens (I think, kinda like American Indian Tribes are not considered to be American citizens) and they are trying to hang onto their culture and traditions in much the same way. But bus loads of tourists are driven to them, shown around, encouraged to take pictures (at 10baht per picture) and encouraged to shop, to purchase their handmade products- which are incredible. On the one hand it feels very exploitative because they are a crumbling culture: the only people left in the village are the very old, and the very young, any who could get out and go to school or the city have left- in 30 years these tribes will be gone and so will their ancient way of life. On the other hand, bringing in tourists is a way for them to continue existing, a way for them to support themselves because they are an agricultural society and since they are no longer allowed to migrate around, being stuck in one place, even though they have been taught crop rotation, is taking its toll. We met an old woman with no teeth, and either blood or bettle juice dripping from the corner of her mouth, who is all alone, no children, no husband, and she must fend for herself “ten baht photo, ten baht photo” she kept saying. I purchased a purse incredible hand woven bits and two pashminas- beautiful, very inexpensive, because they need to sell their products- but how am I not exploiting them by paying to observe?

Shop til you drop

We spent the weekend shopping and traveling. First, on Saturday, Windy and I hired a tour guide to take us to Bor Sang- the umbrella making village and all shopping points in between. Bor Sang was, for me, Mecca! I got to see them actually hand crafting the umbrellas I am so wild about and of course I purchased a brand new one for myself, another as a gift for Jenni, and then figured there was no way I could fit more than two in my luggage. (sorry to ruin the surprise Jen but I also figure this way I won’t be tempted to keep it for myself!) It may seem extreme to hire a guide for shopping but we had two options: $8 to do it with a group or $10 to do it just the two of us and for an extra two bucks it seemed totally worth it. And it was! Bor Sang was the best thing we did all day! But we also went to a Celedon factory, a jade factory, a gem showroom, a laquer ware store, thai silk store, and wood carving- lots and lots of fun. Exhausting but fun and we bought lots of presents and Christmas presents (including hand carved sling shots for the kids :)

Maybe I should mention…/ Doi Suthep

I believe my stance on nature has always been: it’s nice to know it’s there but I don’t need to spend any actual time in it. Windy’s phrase is that she doesn’t need to roll around in it. I don’t hike, I don’t bike, I hate camping; my idea of roughing it is no room service, I don’t play outdoor sports, heck I don’t play indoor sports, I don’t sweat, I don’t exert. My natural state is inertia. So when we were asked to hike up Doi Suthep (maybe I should mention it’s the tallest mountain peak around Chiang Mai) in an environmental “save the mountain” sort of thing I said yes. I mean, how hard can it be to climb a mountain in Thailand? Maybe I should mention we had to get up at 5:30 to get to the meeting site to start the hike by 7:00. Maybe I should mention there was a cool t-shirt involved which said “You can break my (heart symbol) but don’t hurt Doi Suthep”. Maybe I should mention we hiked halfway up on a highway and then we were directed to a muddy path. Maybe I should mention it was 100% chance of rain between 6:00 and 8:00am and 50% chance of storms for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe I should mention the path was obviously created by mountain goats sometime in the late 14th century. Maybe I should mention that we passed out of the rain only long enough to walk head-first into clouds. Maybe I should mention that there is a point where you are so wet from the clouds and so sweaty from the humidity that you actually start to get chills. I think we hiked approximately 11km. Which is like 7 miles. Maybe I should mention the last 2km where vertical. Maybe I should mention they were vertical, muddy, ropes hanging down the slope to help you up kilometers. At the top of Doi Suthep is a Wat (Buddhist temple) Wat Phra That Doi Suthep. Maybe I should mention that after 11km there are an additional 306 steps up to the Wat. There is also a lift. Some people felt that if they had just climbed a mountain then they were going to walk the last 306 steps. I took the lift. Because after climbing a mountain I should be carried on the shoulders of a crowd dammit! I’m told the view from the Wat is gorgeous- but since I couldn’t see it because of the cloud I was standing in I will have to take someone’s word for it. Thinking about hiring a red truck, (maybe I should mention red trucks- basically like covered pick-up trucks that are sort of like taxis but you have to negotiate your price before you get in them and if there isn’t enough room for all of the group then you get to hang off the back, which is my favorite part of the red truck although if it’s raining it’s less fun and the traffic pollution is pretty gross but no worse than Los Angeles in my opinion), to go back up and get a picture on a clear day. Last night I saw lights up at the top of the mountain that I assume were the Wat and it was very very tiny from my hostel perspective (perhaps I mean hostile☺) Maybe I should mention that about 10,000 Buddhists a year make a pilgrimage to the Wat, passing three other Wats on the way each wat representing a different Buddhist virtue and the path getting progressively harder as each virtue is harder to achieve. Maybe I should mention that they do it night. Maybe I should mention they do it on their knees. Did I mention they do it on their knees?

Strawberries

Thailand has strawberries
But they are small and look rugged
Not the luscious visions of plump
Red sweetness at home
Perhaps this is what they are meant
To look like. Before the hormones
And genetic enhancements and
Red dye number 5.

P.S. Corn and red kidney beans in yogurt.
Right next to the mixed fruit and blueberry.
This is not a joke.
Had to taste it. Not good but not bad either.
Not my new favorite dish. But not bad either…
Weird. Fun. I endeavor to eat things that scare me
Dragon fruit in my mini fridge awaiting discovery.
Tangerines are delicious- mixed fruit yogurt divine.
Pineapple and mango, papaya and something unknown
Lychee like. Yum!

Waiting for Guffman Goes to Thailand

I am here! After 22 hours of flights and lay-overs I have arrived! I was at once welcomed by the humidity; like stepping into a wet hair dryer. Brought me back to Honolulu in an instant and I felt right at home. Customs stopped me- asked if I had anything to declare: “Nothing but an intention to have a good time.” I replied. His laughter sent me along without looking in my luggage.

A couple of hours after I arrived so did the bulk of the rest of the cast—ever seen Waiting for Guffman? Do. Point: Egos abound. Ever traveled with a group of Americans? Don’t. Point: Egos abound. There is a pervasive ethnocentricity. Yes, you’re white and no one here speaks English. Yes, the culture is different than yours, so is the food, the custom, the air, the traffic, etc etc ad naseum. I may have to kill a few people in their sleep.

Going to Thailand

Look here for all things Thailand related to see what I'm up to. World wide web home for rants, raves, more rants, pictures, and the various goings ons of a working actor who gets massages every day and spends the weekends with Thai hookers. Starting in November...